Directions Aren’t Always Clear

My anxiety rises as I drive out of neighborhood in search of a new place. Tension starts to rise as I turn onto the congested streets that seem to get more narrow with each block.  There’s a flashing arrow ahead and I’m hoping it’s after where I need to turn. 

I do not like having to find my way in a new-to-me area. In places where the streets feel narrow and every other one is a one-way going the opposite direction. The street names mean nothing to me and the map apps aren’t as helpful as I’d like. I want them to say THERE! YES, THERE ON YOUR RIGHT! 

Where is the parking? Is there parking? Okay, I’ve found the parking garage now how do I get to the right building and to the office I’m looking for? 

I feel the frayed edges of my nerves. I worry I am slowing down the people behind me, the ones who surely know exactly where they are going.  I’m  worried I’ll be late even though I’ve given myself ample time to find this new place. All the breathing I tell others to do in tense situations is completely forgotten. My breaths are short gasps of not being able to do the thing I think comes easy to others. I talk to myself yet I’ve lost the ability talk like a normal, kind person. 

There is an appointed time I am to be there. This is what nudges me, or perhaps, fuels my exasperated spirit. 

After three years here I’ve learned my way around, sort of. Downtown still gets my body tense but I’m learning.  

Yet, I feel lost more than ever. And then I realize this is life. It’s learning and re-learning. It’s exploring and sometimes being lost or hitting a dead end. So you take a deep breath and start over. 

Maybe It’s not where I’m going but who I’m becoming. Lost at times but finding my way in this new place, new season. 

One day we’re thankful for new beginnings.

The next day we try to avoid being a beginner again.

Emily P. Freeman

4 thoughts on “Directions Aren’t Always Clear

  1. Love this – isn’t it funny how we crave new adventures but hate being a beginner? Thank you for the reminder that they can be the same if we look at it differently. Good stuff.

    1. I’m often put off by the word “adventure”. I guess too many I’ been on with my husband and brother that has reminded me adventure is never one of my goals. Maybe that’s why new things rattle me so. Thanks for you insight, Cara.

  2. It sounds like you’ve written out my own driving / exploring / navigating experiences, Debby. I much prefer to be in the other seat, enjoying the views.

    I guess we’re always learning and becoming, aren’t we. And that can be a very good thing.

    1. So true, Linda. The process is often challenging but coming out on the other end is a good thing.

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